It is my daughter’s 13th birthday today. At last, she is a TEENAGER! She’s promised that she won’t suddenly turn into a stroppy, hormonal monster. Check back in a year to see whether she’s been able to keep that vow!
I was thinking back to my teenage years, and what I would tell myself, if I could go back in time and give myself some advice.
Dear 13 year old me,
hey, welcome to your teens! It’s me, your middle-self. I’m here to a) horrify you and b) give you some tips on surviving the next decade.
1. Don’t Worry About Being Uncool
I know you tell yourself, that you don’t want to be like all the others, but we both know that you do secretly worry that you are totally uncool. Trust your instinct. In 20 years time, you’ll notice that all the geeks, nerds and misfits are the really interesting adults, and the cool kids are just as boring as they were back when you were teens!
2. Your First Kiss will Suck
Perhaps not literally, but oh, boy will that be a disappointment. You’ll open your eyes and stare at the wall behind the head of the guy, and think, “Is this IT? What is all the fuss about?!” Don’t worry, you will find other guys who are better at this kissing game. Oh, in a few years, you’ll have a massive crush on a boy from Scouts. When you are 42 years old, you’ll find out that the reason he wasn’t that into you, was that he is gay. Don’t take his polite rejection personally!
3. Accept Your Destiny
I’d love to say ‘Don’t be discouraged by anyone, follow your dreams and be a writer’, but if you do that, then this blog and this life of mine won’t exist. Neither will my hilarious, talented and delightful children, as I won’t meet and fall in love with their dad . Sometimes you will take the long way around to get to your destination. Enjoy the detour!
4. Learn to Love Your Hair
It won’t be invented for a while yet, but when it does, buy yourself a BabyBliss Big Hair at the first opportunity. It will change the way you feel about your hair. Even better, invent it now and make a fortune. If you blow-dry your fringe AGAINST the cow’s lick, i.e. the opposite direction to your parting, it will sit nicer
5. Your Boobs WILL Grow. Eventually
Yes, right now you are the only one of your friends who is wearing an ‘alibi-bra’ cause you really have nothing to put in it, but they will grow eventually and become one of your favourite body parts.
6. Learn an Instrument
My one regret in life, is that I can’t play piano. We have one now, and it sits there and DARES me to touch it. I’d really love to be able to play it, and right now you have time to learn. Yes, you’ll have to learn to read music, but get over it!
Ok, so that’s pretty much it, 13-year old me. Oh, one more thing. No matter how much you love Julia Robert’s hair in Pretty Woman, DO NOT GET A PERM. Just don’t, ok?