Parenting
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Letting Go
You roll your eyes and I bite my tongue. It’s normal, I tell myself. She’s a teenager. She needs to detach. Still, it hurts my heart. ‘You may give them your love but not your thoughts’ I was the centre of your world. Your rock. Your oracle. You looked to me for answers. And now your gaze has turned outward.
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The Problem with “As a Mother…”
When a sentence begins with ‘As a mother…’, it’s generally a bad sign. This rarely heralds an insightful observation, as Andrea Leadsom demonstrated. The discussion will continue around the political wrangling, but I wanted to pause for a moment and consider the idea that motherhood grants a woman anything other than the ability to cook meals one-handed while holding a wailing baby. As a Mother… I’ve changed. It would be impossible not to. The focus of my life has shifted, and the opinions and feelings of others need to be taken into consideration. I’m sure this is true for most parents, not just mothers. As a mother, I became aware…
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Things Mums of Boys Will Know
I was disappointed with Netmums’ article on ‘Things Mums of Boys Will Know‘. As a mother of a boy and a girls, I know that most of these are silly, and a couple are just plain ridiculous.
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Kids are Scared of Fireworks? Prepare for Bonfire Night
For many, Bonfire night is eagerly anticipated and thoroughly enjoyed. Some younger or more noise sensitive children find it overwhelming, loud and downright scary. In the run up to the 5th November, start to prepare your child for the big bangs and whistles. Talk about Noise – and Make some Noise Talk about animals that are loud, and those which are quiet. Play at being quiet as a mouse, and loud as a DINOSAUR. Get your child to ROAAAAAAAAAAR like a lion, and roar back. Let the child bang on some pots with a wooden spoon, and band the pot lids together. Think about getting the…
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5 Signs of Low Self Esteem in a Child … and What You Can Do About It
A guest post by Coach Rebecca Pintre, from Artemis Mindset Coaching, on recognising the signs of low self esteem in a child, and what parents can do about it. Self-esteem is the sense of worth a person has about themselves, the value they put on themselves. It is important to have a good balance of self-esteem and a positive yet realistic sense of self-worth. As a coach, low self-esteem is one of the issues I come across frequently. As a mother of two young girls I know that fostering good self-esteem in my daughters is one of my key tasks.
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Dear 13 Year Old Me…
It is my daughter’s 13th birthday today. At last, she is a TEENAGER! She’s promised that she won’t suddenly turn into a stroppy, hormonal monster. Check back in a year to see whether she’s been able to keep that vow! I was thinking back to my teenage years, and what I would tell myself, if I could go back in time and give myself some advice.
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How to Make a First Period Kit
No, don’t worry. I’m not going to advise you to throw a First Period Party for your daughter. I can only imagine the sheer horror that my daughter would greet this suggestion. It is probably up there with ‘Mum-dancing with my guidance teacher at the school disco in an effort to get all the kids to dance’ on the 1 – 100 scale of embarrassment. Talking to kids about sex is an important part of parenting, and a part of this is talking to girls about getting their first period. One of the best ways to help your daughter prepare, is to make a First Period Kit.
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What If…. A Guest Post for World Down Syndrome Day
A Guest Post for World Down Syndrome Day, by Emily
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Talking to The Kids About Sex – Without Euphemisms or Embarrassment
According to Planned Parenthood, teens who had good, honest conversations with their parents about sex are more likely to delay sexual activity, have fewer partners and use condoms or other contraceptives when they do have sex. So how do we go about talking to the kids about sex and puberty, so that they are informed of the changes ahead, know how they can protect themselves, and how to react to the pressures from others? Without euphemisms or embarrassment.
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Parenting Without Punishments
When a friend recently talked about ‘Gentle Parenting‘, or parenting without punishments or rewards, I will admit to first having to look up the term, and second thinking that can’t possibly work. After reading the list on this blog, I realised that I’d been practicing a version of this parenting philosophy, without knowing there was a name for it. There is no blueprint for successful parenting, and I wouldn’t say that I am an expert, but these are the tactics that have worked for me, and my family.
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Review of The Yorkshire Shepherdess by Amanda Owen
I interviewed ‘The Yorkshire Shepherdess’, Amanda Owen for Jump! Mag this week. When we started talking about raising children, Amanda had some great thoughts on allowing kids to explore and develop, that I wanted to share here.Amanda loves the isolation of Ravenseat, the farm in the Yorkshire Dales, but is connected to the rest of the world via a satellite dish that provides the farm with an internet connection. She discovered Twitter and started sharing tales of her life in 140 character chunks, accompanied by stunning photos. Her chatty informal style was a big hit; she has amassed over 7000 followers and recently published a book.The Yorkshire Shepherdess is reminiscent…
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Raising Girls vs Raising Boys
The comparison between raising girls vs raising boys is one that I have been making these past years. My children have conformed pretty well to the ‘gender stereotyping’ by being sensitive, artistic and the peacemaker (my daughter) vs rowdy, maths and science fan and dominant (my son). A friend recommended the book by Steve Biddulph, “Raising Boys” a few years ago. I glanced through it, but really didn’t get on well with it. I can’t remember much about it, or why I put it down, but was interested to hear that Steve has followed up with a book about girls, called (predictively) Raising Girls. On Radio 2 this morning,…
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Ban TV for Children Under Three Years Old? Not In This House
Ban TV for children under three years old – every couple of years a new ‘study’ is released calling for banning of TV for young children. This one was released by Psychologist Dr Aric Sigman. Mumsnet Bloggers’ Network asked, ‘Are parents being demonised?’ The problem with making such a statement is that it immediately puts parents on the defensive, and that it sadly does not reach the parents of the children who are watching TV because their parents cannot be bothered interacting with them. I am not being snobby, but lets be honest – the kids that are plonked in front of Cbeebies all day every day are unlikely to…
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I Demand An Apology
I enjoyed David Mitchell’s article in the Guardian about the demanding of apologies and I laughed at the story he told about his parents. It reminds me of being made to apologise as a child. I remember a specific occasion when my parents were furious with me for some reason. And I was furious with them. It was a standoff. They were demanding an apology or else, as I recall it, basically nothing was to be allowed in future: food, sleep, not eating all my food, not immediately going to sleep, going outside, being allowed inside, contact with the cat – all banned. It was a massive…
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Sex Ed and Enthusiastic Consent
I posted yesterday about women who find it difficult to believe that they had been raped, and since then other women have come forward to say that they too have been remembering incidents that they had pushed to the back of their minds. I have been thinking of moments in my life, that I had put down to a bad decision, which I now can see differently. I was not raped, but I was coerced into doing more than I felt comfortable doing. The women confiding in me were talking about incidents that happened in their teens or early twenties. They are older and more experienced now and are able to…
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Protect Your Children – The Danger of Stranger Danger
This is a post that I have been meaning to write for quite some time. For some readers, this post will be distressing or upsetting – Trigger Warning for discussion of abuse and abusers. I am reminded of it every time I read about the angst that many parents have, that their child will be abducted or abused. Often this comes up at times when there has been a high profile case in the newspapers. The worry is understandable, we all want to protect our child from harm. First, it is important to understand the risks. Stranger Danger The big fear is often “Stranger Danger” – that…
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A Girl Needs A Dog
A girl needs a dog. The pictures above were taken by my daughter. Our dog is a patient and beloved photo model. A friend recently told me the story of her son at circle time (what the Americans call Show and Tell). She had gone into to Parents’ Evening and the moment her son’s teacher saw her, the teacher started to weep. My friend was alarmed, and thought that her son had been doing something very wrong in school. The teacher tried to compose herself, but all she could manage to say, between sobs was, “A boy … needs… a doooooog”. Apparently, each week when…
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The Balance of Motherhood
“She is Just A Mum. I imagine she sits around all day in her PJs, drinking tea and eating chocolate biscuits” “Oh, she is a working mother. Her children are in nursery all day, the poor things” Is that it? Are these the only options? How much do we give up of our lives, our hopes, our dreams when we become mothers? And when is it ok to say, “Right. Enough. I am not Just A Mother” Today, I read a post on my favourite parenting blog FreeYourParenting about nurturing yourself. Clare talks about the every day stresses of family life, and how we can get away…
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Guilt Free Breastfeeding Advice
Breast is best! Breastfeeding improves children’s IQ Breastfeeding prevents obesity Formular Feeding mums are lazy Formular Fed infants are more likely to develop illnesses Is anyone else fed up with this? Occasionally I will come across a website that states this and more (I am not going to link to these websites as I don’t want to cause trouble with other bloggers and to be quite frank, I can do without the hassle of my blog being invaded by militant breastfeeding activists). We all know that for the best start in life, breastfeeding is truly advantageous. There is no disputing this fact. For some women, breastfeeding does not come…
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Family Bingo
Are you already dreading visiting the family for Christmas? I am incredibly lucky. Both my parents and my husbands parents are genuinely lovely people, but even lovely people can get on your nerves sometimes, especially when you are cooped up in an apartment with them for several days. The old fish/guests adage was never more true. Little niggles, that would normally not bother you become vitally important and we find ourselves fuming at something as irrelevant as mother Not Putting The Lid On The Jam Jar. It is important to remember that everyone does things slightly differently, both in the home and in regard to child rearing. I touched on…
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GummibearGate – Kids and Swearing
Do you get all <catbum mouth> at people who swear at their children? You are not alone if you do. Who would not look disapproving at someone shouting and swearing at their child? Who would not judge that person as a Bad Mother for using bad language, for shouting at a poor little innocent child. If you had observed me on our trip to Germany, you would have judged me and found me wanting. But stop for a moment and think. This post is not about parents who verbally abuse their children, who shout and swear day in, day out. But about the parents who lose their temper and patience…
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Do You Have a Parenting Philosophy – Your Children are not Your Children
Attachment Parenting, Benign Neglect, Authoritarian, Helicopter Parent, Tiger Mum – which one describes your parenting method best? Can you put a name to your Parenting Philosophy, explain it in two or three words? In those first hazy months of parenthood, many of us read books on parenting. We search for answers, for reassurance, for advice. Or we use websites such as Mumsnet, Netmums or Babycentre. Perhaps you already had an idea of the kind of parent you wanted to be, and found that the reality of parenting was slightly different to the theory. I can recall being indignant at my husband’s Grandmother, because she told me that when…
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Raising Independent Children
Only one in five children can tie a reef knot, according to a survey carried out on behalf of the Scout Association. My first thought on reading this was, “How on earth will they manage to tie a neat knot in a silk scarf when they are older”, which may not be quite what the Scout Association was worried about. While being able to tie an reef knot, or mend a puncture may be a handy skill to have, there are other items on the list that we really should be teaching our pre-teen children. How to cook a meal – my daughter is 9 years old and recently…
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When your child gets lost…
It is one of those moments when time stays still. You look up from what you are doing and notice that your child is not there. He was there just a minute ago, you look around wondering where he is. He cannot be far. Maybe he is a bolter, an escapologist and you are used to this. Maybe this is the first time that he has done this. Either way, your heart starts beating faster as you search for his familiar face. You try to remember what he was wearing – was it the red or the blue tshirt? How can you not recall this? Shouting his name you start…
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Do the children of writers have a right to privacy?
This morning on Twitter, the writer Jenny Colgan linked to this story in the Daily Mail. Supposedly an article on how even young girls suffer from self-doubt and trying to live up to an unreachable beauty ideal, the author tells of finding her six year old daughter’s diary and reading it. She finds to her horror that the diary is full of self-critical observations. She admits that it is wrong to read her daughter’s diary, completely missing the much larger betrayal of writing about her daughter’s intimate feelings and fears, then publishing it in a nationwide newspaper. Great way to boost your daughter’s self-esteem – write it up for all…
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Do you have a Lego-Whoosher?
Ok. It is half-term. He is bored as his sister has been ill this week so we have been stuck at home. My son is a Lego-Whoosher. First, he builds a lego airplane, that I dutifully praise. Then he “flies” it around the room, whoooshing around corners, letting it climb into the sky (aided by him standing on the couch) then divebomb towards the long suffering dog. Swooping low over the living room floor, the stealth lego plane soars again before discharging a load of bombs on the pilot’s sister. Whoooooooooooosh, brrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, ssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, boomboomboombooomboom, crasssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, brrrrrchhhhhhhhhhhhhh. According to Twitter friends this is normal behaviour for a 6 year old boy…
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Home Alone – Bringing up independent and confident children
There was a shocking story in the news this week – about a woman who left her 14 year old in charge of her 3 year old while she popped out for 30 minutes. There was no “incident” but she was cautioned for “cruelty” and automatically banned from working with children younger than 10 years old or vulnerable adults. The woman lost her job as a nurse, she was basically unemployable in her field. Last week she had the ban lifted. This is not an isolated case. As reported in the Sunday Times (behind the Paywall), it is an example of the problems being caused by rulings of the Independant Safeguarding…
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“I have Bless You on my Cardigan”
When my daughter was about two years old, she had a bad cold. After several days of sneezing and snot, she was grumpy and irritable. She sneezed noisily then started sobbing. It took me a moment before I understood why she was so upset. She wailed, “I have BLESS YOU on my cardigan!” In a two year old’s mind it is a logical conclusion. Every time she had sneezed, I had exclaimed, “Oh, bless you” and wiped her nose. She thought that bless you was the word for the slimy green stuff that is expelled when one sneezes. Since then, snot is called Bless You in our house. Just as the evening…
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Exiting the Mummy Cocoon
We had a Halloween Party yesterday and when speaking to the other mothers we discovered something that we all had in common. Approximately 2 – 3 years after the birth of our children we emerged from what I like to term The Mummy Cocoon. Yawning and stretching, we stick our heads out of the comfort zone and notice with a shock that the world as we knew it is still there. But we no longer fit in the same place as we did pre-children. When we have small children, our whole life is consumed by them. When (if) they sleep, if they sleep through the night, if they are sleeping…
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How To Survive The Summer Holidays without resorting to G&Ts at 10am
When you have two small children, the Argh-Factor can be rather high. Especially during the summer holidays. I will admit to being a bit spoilt, during term-time I have a lot of freedom to do what I want. This does mean that I sometimes find it a bit hard-going when they are home for the summer. We have almost 8 weeks school holidays and the children just never stop. Constant noise, bickering, yelling, singing, dancing, show-rehearsing, dog-annoying, yogurt-on-the-floor-spilling. The only thing that helps is keeping them occupied and I am very grateful that the weather has been great so far and we can get out of the house. Even just…
