Saying goodbye, au revoir, auf wiedersehen…
No matter in which language you do this, it is a bitch. And if you are living the expat life, then it is something that you have to do occasionally. I have had acquaintances come and go but today was the first time I have said farewell to a true friend. And it hurts.
So I did what I do when I hurt. I baked. I cried. I drank wine. And I sat down to write.
While I pounded the dough for the pizza we shall eat later, I considered this side of expat life. The side that no one tells you about, when they extol the fantastic lifestyle, the mind-broadening experiences, the fun and the glamour of life as an expat in Geneva. The side of expat life to which my American friend would say, “this sucks big time”.
In a city like Geneva, where over 45% of the population are not Swiss nationals, it is easy to find friends. Or at least it is easy to find acquaintances. Finding friends is slightly more difficult. Join one of the many international clubs to meet other people, head out to one of the many city bars, everywhere there is the chance to meet new people.
I recall my first evening in Geneva, when I came alone on a house hunting trip. I sat at a lakeside bar, a teeny glass of white wine in my hands, watching the boats sway gently in the breeze and listening to the soft flow of conversation around me. The United Nations building was just a couple of miles away, and I felt that the international community was all around me. French, German, English, Spanish, Japanese, Chinese and dozens of other languages – I heard the babble of a thousand tongues, as I sat there, as wide eyed as a country girl on her first trip to the city.
While I picked the metaphorical straw out of my hair, I wondered at this city. So full of colour and multicultural experiences. I later found the flip side. The slightly staid, very typical Swiss reserve that explains why my French language skills are so bad.
The Swiss, it has to be said, keep themselves to themselves. The expats befriend the expats: very few of us have Swiss friends.
Today, almost 3 years later, I understand their reasoning. The constant flow of arrivals and departures is fun at first, but then you finally make good friends, and they leave after a few years. The Swiss are protecting themselves when they stay aloof and reserved. For living here permanently means that new friends come and go.
And when they go, sometimes the parting is hard. I would have liked to have spent more time in the company of my friend, but we shall have to content ourselves with emails and phone calls. And the promise of a visit in a far off country sometime in the not too distant future.
10 Comments
Michelle Higgins
My sympathies. I am still at the making acquaintances side of life in a new country. So when you make a real friend it is truly something to treasure. At least enjoy the wine and baking xx
mmelindor
Thanks. The making friends part is fun, and I know that I have made friends here who I will have for life.
Stitch This
I was an expat child. Saying goodbye to close friends was awful but at least I met them. It isn’t the same, but you still HAVE your friend, but not there, in person. She’ll always be your friend. It’s horrible and I really feel for you but eventually you see it as part of expat life. Have a large one and live to blog another day.
MsGenealogist
So sorry, it’s rotten. Is your friend comfortable with Internet stuff: FB, Twitter, Skype?
It’s not the same as really being there, I know. But I hope you manage to stay in touch closely enough to not feel sad about it too often.
*passes wine bottle*
mmelindor
Thanks for your sympathy. Yes, she is online, and we will keep in touch.
mmelindor
Thanks. I guess this one hit me hard because she lived close and we saw each other daily. Did you keep in touch with many friends? I find that when we have moved many friends don’t keep in touch.
Sam D
Oh, how crappy for you. I’m sorry.
mmelindor
Thanks, am finished wallowing in self-pity now.
bullet
Sorry you have had to say goodbye to your friend. Can you keep in touch any other way?
mmelindor
Yes, I am sure that we will keep in touch.